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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in DRUNKEN BASTARDS!!!'s LiveJournal:

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Friday, December 4th, 2009
3:10 pm
Beer Battles: Ale vs. Lager

The world of beer is expanding, in both flavor and appeal. Craft brewing has taken the beer-drinking community to new heights and innovations. The time to learn about, explore, enjoy, and appreciate this sacred beverage has never been more exciting. But how does it all break down? How can one begin to decipher the differences between styles and sub-categories of beer? How can anyone truly appreciate beer without a basic understanding of beer’s ingredients and flavor profiles?

Have no fear, LifeEpicurean’s Beer Battles: 101 series will break down basic concepts such as the difference between ales and lagers, highlights of various beer styles, proper pouring and tasting process, and the appropriate glassware for different brews. Pay attention-–class is in session. READ MORE HERE.

Friday, October 30th, 2009
3:15 pm
Kafe Kerouac/LifeEpicurean.com 7 for $7 Beer Tasting Tonight at 8pm!

Come to the 7 for $7 Beer tasting at Kafe Keroauc this Friday, at 8pm! This tasting will feature the beers of Baltika, a Russian brewery, and will be a rare opportunity to try the beers of a country not typically known for their long brewering history, and Baltika will be a rare treat for those wanting to try something well off the beaten path. Friday night will be busy with Halloween parties abounding, so be sure to start your night right with Kafe Kerouac, and LifeEpicurean.com's 7 for $7 Beer Tasting featuring the beers of Baltika!

Kafe Kerouac is located at 2250 N. High St., in Old North Columbus, and there is on-street parking available in addition to the lot at Kafe Kerouac. Brought to you by LifeEpicurean.com, your home to all things Good Life.

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
12:25 pm
Fall Seasonals Roundup, Part III: Beers of Halloween

As the fall season fast approaches chillier temperatures and longer nights, it is only apropos that a spotlight be shown upon some of the brews befitting of Halloween. Whether scary in name, label, or both, these seasonal selections offer up the diverse tastes of autumn, along with the whimsy and creativity that help Halloween remain one of the most exciting and creative holidays.  READ MORE.

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009
11:32 am
Fall Beer Reviews Part II: Pumpkin Ales on LifeEpicurean.com

Pumpkin ales are a staple of the fall beer-drinking season. Despite the similarity of ingredients, they can be quite varied in taste. Whether adding hand-cut (sometimes roasted) pumpkins thrown in with the mash during brewing, or utilizing pumpkin puree or flavoring, brewers tend to work with whatever method will drive them the least crazy. These beers often boast an array of spices that conjure memories of homemade pumpkin pie, most notably ground ginger, nutmeg, cloves, cinnamon, and allspice. Generally, pumpkin ales lean heavily on malt, yet are very light on hop, with the chosen spices landing at the forefront of the palate. May these brews warm your spirits as the temperature continues to fall. READ MORE HERE.

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
5:13 pm
Fall Seasonals Beer Reviews: Mike O'Leary of LifeEpicurean.com takes us through the best fall beers

Fall is upon us, and what a blessed time it is for us, the faithful imbibers. As the changing leaves bring vibrant color and chilly weather requires coats and bonfires, so too does the taste of the season increase in robustness, crispness, and warmth. Easily the most fascinating tasting season for beer, autumn boasts numerous styles and labels that tantalize everyone from the novice to the connoisseur. Thus begins Part One of this three-part series: Marzens and friends. Known synonymously as “Oktoberfest beer,” it is a classic flavor of the season. The “friends” that accompany the Marzens in this round-up are a small sample of other seasonal fare. Ponder, discuss, and enjoy. READ MORE.
5:04 pm
The Drinks Are On Them: Toni Kervina takes you through a recent Glazer's Trade Show

One way for wine lovers and spirits sippers to keep up their beloved hobby of trying, buying and collecting is by going to a trade show. Usually hosted by a distributor or retailer, these events are as good as any other tasting, usually on a much bigger scale, and at a more forgiving price point. The trick is in scoring an invite, as these sorts of events are not typically open to the public but are held to showcase wholesale and retail selections to business owners, in the hopes of getting some of the products sold at area restaurants and stores. However, if you know someone in the restaurant biz or are tight with some wine shop owners, you’ve likely already got the golden ticket. READ MORE.

Monday, September 28th, 2009
10:22 pm
Shakes on a plane

(Crossposted a little)


I will be on another long-haul flight on Wednesday,and so I am starting my new LJ journal life by sharing with you my philosophy of on-board alcohol consumption.

There are those who say no to drinking in the air. Even at this early stage in our relationship I suspect you'll guess I am not of their number. Really, when you're contemplating 8 or more hours of airtime, a pop or seven is pretty essential.

In the good old days they understood the need of a man (or woman who could hold her own in the hostelry) for a bottle of scotch and a steak, and 20 full strength ciggies when crossing the Atlantic. For fuck's sake, even Amelia Earhart was on the double vodkas and red marlboros the second the chocks were away. (Probably.)

Which makes it harsh that nowadays they will barely even let you on a plane if they think you've had a few, and certainly won't if they think you're planning on having a few more. Sure, there's a miniature or two in it for you, if you can wait for the trolley to make its murderously slow progress to your aisle. But you just try going for a third! And two is hardly enough to inebriate a capuchin monkey.

There's only one solution. You've got to drink your own. But at the same time you can't get caught. Here's what I do:

When I arrive at Pearson Airport (or wherever I happen to be embarking from), as soon as I can I go straight to the duty-free shop. I buy 2 litre bottles of scotch. Bell's if I can get it, otherwise Whyte & Mackay or J&B. I then go to the magazine shop and buy two half-litre bottles of coke. I bear my booty to the bathroom. I find a vacant cubicle and lock myself in. I open both the cokes. I tip out a  third of the contents into the toilet in each case. I fill the coke bottles with as much scotch as possible. This comes to approximately 1/3 of a litre. I screw the lids back on to all the bottles. I turn the coke bottles gently to and fro, to mix the scotch and coke. I stow the scotch safely away in my carry-on luggage. I'm ready to rock and roll.

My cocktails (I call them 'coke bombs') look just like straight coke. I take endless nips, getting first pleasantly glowy, then extremely drunk. If anyone smells it on my breath, they probably don't guess what I'm up to. They'll think I just stopped for a couple of at the departure lounge bar, which is 'allowed'. I am usually passed out for the duration of the flight long before I've finished my coke bombs, or even got into a movie. Luckily I am also usually still toasted when I wake up and disembark, enjoying the last part of the journey in a blissful delayed alcoholic haze.

I like spirits when I have to do stuff, since I generally manage to remain relatively articulate and capable - until I pass out that is. No one has ever called me for being a drunk on a plane. Although, now I come to think of it, one girl did reseat herself somewhat abruptly after I plonked myself down next to her. Maybe she just can't stand devastatingly handsome Englishmen with a hint of grey at the temples? These are deep waters. I'll just mix myself another while I sit and contemplate the mysteries of the universe, and muse pleasantly on this and that.
Friday, September 25th, 2009
10:52 am
7 for $7 Oktoberfest Beer Tasting Tonight at 8pm at Kafe Kerouac (2250 N. High St.!)

Be sure to make it out for our latest 7 for $7 tasting at Kafe Kerouac, featuring the beers of Oktoberfest. It's that time of the year, and with the weather turning cooler, and tailgates firing up, it's time for you to pick out your favorite fall beer, and what better way than with LifeEpicurean.com and Kafe Kerouac? In attendance, LifeEpicurean.com's Matt Reese and Chris Spinato will be there to meet and greet with the public, and there will be fun to have by all. So come out, and be sure to not miss what is guaranteed to be a true beer drinker's delight with the beers of Oktoberfest. Don't miss out! RSVP Now to Reserve Your Glass! RSVP HERE.

Our last beer tasting sold out fairly quickly, so be sure to RSVP quickly and make sure you don't miss out on what is sure to be a fantastic beer tasting this evening!

Friday, August 28th, 2009
1:28 am
The Wines of Summer on LifeEpicurean.com

Nothing quite says summertime like a tasty mojito or a pitcher of sangria. But then again, sometimes maybe you don’t want a muddled concoction, or some unworthy fruit mixed into your glass of wine. For hard nosed oenophiles, summer isn’t an off-season for tasting and trying new vintages. The problem is that when it’s 80 degrees and humid as Hell (the official Columbus forecast for about 2 months) it’s much more difficult to enjoy that robust Brunello or sip on that meaty Cab. So what do fans of the super Tuscans, do on such an occasion? Phone a friend. Here are some bottles worth trying that are enjoyable all year long, courtesy of some of the wisest palates in the local scene.
Thursday, August 27th, 2009
10:58 am
LifeEpicurean.com/Kafe Kerouac 7 for $7 Beer Tasting feat. Stone Brewing Co.!

Date: Friday, August 28th, 2009
Kafe Kerouac
8:00 PM
2250 N. High St. Columbus, OH 43201
(614) 299-2672

ifeEpicurean.com Editorial Director Chris Spinato professes that Stone Brewing Co. is the finest of all breweries in the country. This Friday, find out for yourself, when Kafe Kerouac and LifeEpicurean.com partner up for a 7 for $7 tasting of the best of Stone Brewing. Check out 7 of the finest beers from their portfolio including the unrelenting Ruination IPA, and the Smoked Porter, and the ever poplar Oaked Arrogant Bastard! It’s Stone Brewing from San Diego, California. One of the best breweries in the world, and only at Kafe Kerouac will you get to sample this tasting. Brought to you exclusively by LifeEpicurean.com! READ MORE HERE! RSVP on our Facebook Event Page!
Friday, August 21st, 2009
9:56 pm
Champagne Under the Stars at the Refectory

Each year the Refectory hosts a night of bubbly imbibing al fresco, romantically entitled Champagne Under the Stars. However, this year’s version began rather surprisingly under the roof, in the restaurant’s back room and lower level, reserved for their usual wine tastings and private events. The standard hors d’oeuvres were passed around: mini quiche Lorraine (good), eggplant crostini (a little bland), and as always, gougeres. One wouldn’t be surprised to see a small factory hidden in the depths of the restaurant churning out those inevitable perfect little cheese puffs. READ MORE.
Saturday, August 15th, 2009
4:39 pm
New Beer Reviews At LifeEpicurean.com: Great Lakes Brewing Co.

New LifeEpicurean.com staff writer Mike O’Leary brings his first beer review roundup, featuring the beers of Great Lakes Brewing Company. Writer’s Note: For my first LifeEpic  urean.com article, I thought it fitting to sample some beers native to Ohio. Being a new citizen of this fine state, I had not had the pleasure until now of indulging in this popular brand. Enjoy – live well, and drink well. READ MORE.

Monday, August 3rd, 2009
6:07 pm
Good Boy: Weasel Boy Brewing's Lori Wince Talks Craft Beer

While there’s a plethora of fine craft breweries around the country, indeed around the world, it often serves only to remind us of a time when the macro-brews of the world didn’t run the show, and when local brewing was par for the course. In some senses, it was a part of the community, and of one’s everyday life. They went to the local butcher for their meats, went to the baker for their bread, and drank beer from the local brewery. It is in this spirit that Weasel Boy Brewing Company has brought unto Zanesville, Ohio, a new era of craft brewing. Jay and Lori Wince are more than proud to pick up the torch of being just such a brewery. READ MORE HERE.

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
1:58 pm
I make video blogs in my free time and I made one where I discuss my love of beer. I am not a bastard, but I thought I would share.
Saturday, May 27th, 2006
9:51 pm
Vodkabelle drinkin' beer
OK, it's the Memorial Day drinkin' weekend, and I'm not even drunk yet!! Hven't even enjoyed my first vodka beverage of the night yet! I think I shall attend to this matter right away.

Monday, April 10th, 2006
2:04 pm
Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
Last night I drank most of a bottle of 1792 Ridgemont Reserve. It has a good taste, not to sweet, nice buzz, little hangover. From the back of the bottle: "Small Batch. Long Heritage. Ridgmont Reserve 1792 Kentucky Straight Boubon Whiskey commemorates the year Kentucky became our 15th state. The Ridgmont still is located at the distillery in Bardstown, the heart of bourbon country. The character, quality and taste of this bourbon embody the bold spirit and rich heritage of a proud land. We know that you will enjoy this handcrafted, 8-year-old, smallbatch bourbon, which was produced under the stricktest of standards and with the utmost of Kentucky pride." Like I said, I liked it. What kind of booze are you drinking?
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
10:20 pm
heres $20 in case i call you a bitch later
well im new here and should properly introduce myself nut ive had a few tips of loudmouthsoup and felt like posting this instead to take up space.drinking makes you do obnoxious things or at least there obnoxious in your mind.now i know how my grandpappy felt telling all those boring assed fucked up storys about cooking an onion with an old boot.anyways...

A collection of terms that every beer drinker should know.

Bait-and-switch - When an attractive person invites you to his or her table then steers you to a less attractive friend.

Barley sandwich - Beer for lunch. Also called a slurp sandwich.

Bayonetting the wounded - Gamely drinking the half-finished beers the morning after a party.

Booze coupons - Money.

Bedspins - The variety of spins that occur while lying prone. Putting one foot on the floor usually helps. If you are already on the floor, may God have mercy on your soul.

Beer bitch - The person sitting closest to the cooler or refrigerator at a party whose sole purpose in life is to grab another beer for you whenever you go empty.

Beer Buffet - Any bar with more than ten different beers on tap.

Beer blinders (Beer goggles) - One’s perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances to look jumpable, and also makes break dancing moves look easy.

Beer Pressure - The tendency to drink what your friends drink.

Beer queer - A straight man who will pretend to be gay in order to solicit free drinks from an unsuspecting homosexual.

Blackout Brigade - A group of heavy drinkers.

Booze compass - The instinct that leads you home when you’re blackout drunk.

Booze muscle - The increase in courage and combat abilities linked to heavy alcohol consumption.

Booze snooze - A nap taken early in the afternoon after a morning of drinking, designed to prepare you for the evening’s drinking.

Boozgart - The person who, when he is supposed to be passing the bottle of liquor around, stops to reflect on the first time he got drunk, last time he got drunk, etc. A derivative of the stoner term bogart.

Breaking the Seal - Urinating for the first time during a drinking session. Once the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more frequent.

Britney Spears - Rhyming slang for light beer. As in, “How can I take you seriously when you’ve been drinking Britney Spears all night?”

Buzzkill - That which destroys the buzz. Examples are fights with one’s significant other while at the bar, boors who insist on telling that story one more time, your best friend admitting that he/she is sleeping with your significant other, horrible music after you’ve just heard three of your favorite songs in a row, or discovering that you actually have less than half of the money that you thought you had at the beginning of the evening.

Date Rape - Nickname given to any of a number of alcoholic beverages that taste like they have no booze in them whatsoever. Refers to their effectiveness in helping a high school boy get his hands down the pants of a girl who doesn't like beer.

De-boned - To become so drunk you appear not to have any skeletal structure to hold you up.

Deep-dish olive pie - A martini.

Deja booty - When a drunk inexplicably has sex with a person that he/she swore he/she would never speak to ever again, again.

Deja booze - When an infrequently enjoyed drink reminds you of the last time you enjoyed it. As in, “This margarita reminds me of when I was partying in Tijuana, just before I vomited on myself, picked a fight with the bartender and got thrown in the clink. Good times, good times.”

Deserter - A full beer, possibly hidden, found when cleaning up the next day after a party.

Drink link - An ATM.

Drink shrink - Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers.

Drinking in stereo - Boozing with a drink in each hand.

Driving by brail - Using the sound and feel of the road turtles to keep your car on the highway.

Felony juice - Tequila.

Flip wire - That fine, fuzzy line between buzzed and hammered. As in, “That fucker ain’t driving, he tripped the flip wire three shots ago.”

Floored - When you’re so drunk standing up just seems a silly waste of time.

Frontloading - Getting drunk before going to a nightclub because the club’s drinks are expensive.

FUBAR - Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

Fugly bus - The mysterious bus that whisks away all the ugly people from the bar and replaces them with their beautiful cousins while you’re in the bathroom draining your tenth pint.

Get the fade on - Going out with intention of getting very, very drunk.

Grog monster - The part of the brain that insists you keep drinking long after you should have went home and passed out.

Gutter hugger - Drinkers who empty the contents of their stomach into a gutter or nearest trash can.

"Hell’s Own Drag" Influence - As in, “See the size of that shot? Ever since I started dating the bartender, I’ve got hell’s own drag at this bar.”

Hooch hotel - The drunk tank.

Housed - Moderately drunk. This term is particularly popular with those who listen to the Grateful Dead and smoke large amounts of marijuana.

Jack and Jill - A shot of Jack Daniels and a beer.

Joint of no return - A bar from which you are 86’d.

Juice card - Received on your 21st birthday.

Jumping on the grenade - When two groups of the opposite sex meet, one member “jumps on the grenade” by talking to (or possibly sleeping with) the least attractive member of the other group so as to ensure the success of the rest of the group.

Jumping strays - Stealing unattended or abandoned drinks at a bar or party. As in, “I’m so broke I’ve been jumping strays all night.”

Kamikaze eyes - The look a drunk gets when he spies someone he always hated but never had the guts to fight. Until now.

Keg commander - The boisterous chap who hovers around the keg so as to ensure everyone knows how to properly pour a beer.

Keg sitter - Someone who stands next to the keg and drinks. Anyone who abandons social interaction for the sake of insuring that they get their proper share of the beer.

Last call lothario - Someone who’s shy until last call, at which point he’ll try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or booze at their home.

Loudmouth soup - A shot of strong liquor.

MDA - Mysterious Drinking Accident. When you wake up with bruises and cuts you have no recollection of receiving. Also called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB (Unidentified Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.

NBR - No Beers Required. Someone sufficiently attractive enough to hit on while sober.

One for the ditch - A less optimistic version of One for the road.

Pavement pizza - Vomit on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.

Prole piss - Any cheap American lager.

Prole piss poser - A yuppie who attempts to appear down with the working class by making a point of ordering only bottom shelf liquor and cheap beer.

Mystery guest - The guy at the party no one seems to know. They usually lurk in the kitchen near the booze.

Riding a rocking horse into battle - Getting drunk on 3.2% beer.

Roadside olympics - Roadside sobriety test.

Shelf jumper - Someone whose tastes improve from bottom to top shelf when someone offers to buy them a drink.

Skinflint sprint - The fast walk a departing patron employs after he’s left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip on the table.

Slop jaw - Someone who spills (unintentionally or otherwise) most of his shot down the side of his face. As in, “Don’t waste anymore money on Mike, he slopjawed the last three shots.”

Stout gout - The morning-after flatulence that often follows a night of drinking Guinness.

Tart fuel - Bottled alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Sky Blue, etc., regularly consumed by young women.

Thousand mile glare - The blank, vaguely hostile look a veteran bartender will give you when you ask a stupid question such as, “Is the beer cold?”

Tip jar anxiety - The fear that an unobservant bartender won’t notice you left a good tip.

Trip dog - The invisible canine that starts getting underfoot around your tenth drink. Once he arrives he will trip you up the rest of the night.

Trojan hooch - Bringing an empty bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to a party so you won’t appear a mooch.

Twelve stepper - A reformed drinker or someone who wants to quit drinking early. As in, “Hold on there, twelve stepper, the bouncer hasn’t even threatened us yet.”

Two pint screamer - Someone who gets noticeably drunk after two drinks.

Vodka vision A liquor specific brand of beer goggles.

Wobbly pop - Any beverage containing alcohol.

New Words for Drunk: Jagged up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed, de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled, in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated, swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped, 12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin’ drunk, five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed, mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied, wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked out of your mind.
Friday, January 27th, 2006
4:09 pm
Drinking Related
I'm posting here for three reasons:

(1) Because I drink a lot
(2) Because I am looking for some people who might have some stories to share similar to the ones found on my website: http://JorgeDrunk.com
(3) Any hot girls interested in being featured on my website can also contact me.

Thanks... Enjoy your weekend drinking...
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
11:16 am
Beer tasting extravaganza!
In these years of my life, those spent scrounging through college, and occasionally wanting a cheap buzz, it's good to know that RacketMag.com has done the leg work for me when it comes to finding the cheapest sauce. Check out the lower left box for their comparison of cheap hooch

Cross posted to every beer community on the planet.

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, August 29th, 2005
8:17 pm
i am so drunk right now am i even updating? I keep haha ghrin o m8i got I can'
t stop. shit. my [parents are gonna i cn't even fell l;ike backspaceing. i'm going to jouiin a ommunity I'm watcing jack the4 rifpper from hell. johnny depp.
ha aha I'[m addin gon I' hoiope my mom doen's tcome home soon. i'mmll be in big trouble. i g2g
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